If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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