and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
