Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
