I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
