Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
