Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
