I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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