just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
