I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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