You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
