Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
