I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
