Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
