is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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