I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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