oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
