i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
