I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
