I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
