So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
