Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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