I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
