she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
