The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
