When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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