i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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