saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
