hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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