I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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