she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
