I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
