So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
