walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
