I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
