he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
