I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
