I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
