whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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