U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My hand turned me down
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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