Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
