Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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