Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
