I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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