That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
