That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
