So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Found your dick twin last night
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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