This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
