you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
