quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
