Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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