I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I did not marry a roomba.
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