I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
