2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
