I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
