she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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