So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
