I am in a vortex of obligation.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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